Subtle Reminders Read online

  Since finding out BC was coming home, my courage decreased a little more every day. At first, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I’d be able to convince her to stay. As time wore on, though, memories of the pain she left me with reemerged. For almost seven years, thinking about the girl who broke me tended to be something I generally avoided, but knowing I’d see her again changed that. If there were even the smallest chance of getting her back, nothing would stop me from taking it. Deep down, my gut begged me to let it go, but my heart had to try. After all, it belonged to her.

  The most frustrating part of our breakup? I had no idea why it happened. Other than an occasional bickering, we never fought. There were no major problems. As far as I knew, we were both on the same page with where our lives were headed. But when September rolled around and BC went back to college for her junior year, everything changed.

  It had been a rough week, but that was typical. Whenever my girl was home for any length of time and then had to leave again, I had to readjust to missing her all over. It seemed like it got easier because every time she left meant we were closer to the point she’d be returning for good. In my head, I’d gone over the last few days BC was home more than I cared to admit. Something kept telling me I missed some small detail which would explain everything.

  The night before BC headed back, we went to my cousin’s end of summer party. Suddenly, BC felt sick and wanted to leave. Thinking she just felt tired, perhaps being a little down about us being separated, I took her home. BC suggested I return to the party, but I refused. Leaving her was never an option. As soon as we entered her room, we climbed into bed.

  When we woke in the morning, her eyes were swollen and red. Even though she repeatedly told me it was only because she hated leaving, I was worried.

  The first few days after she left were definitely different than previous years. Usually, we spoke on the phone for hours, but now our calls lasted no more than five minutes or so. She gave a bunch of excuses to hang up, and rarely replied to texts. I should’ve dropped everything and gone to her because something was clearly off.

  By the time the week ended, I was beyond pissed at her for ignoring me and making me miss her even more. She had blown me off again that morning. To distract me, my brother came over after work. After we consumed half a case of beer, I decided it was time to call BC and force her to tell me what was wrong. Jack tried to prevent me from picking up the phone because I was drunk and acting a tad irrational, but I didn’t listen.

  “H-hello?” BC answered groggily after four rings.

  “What the fuck took you so long to answer?” I snapped, looking at the clock. It was after two in the morning.

  “I was sleeping,” she told me. Despite the fact I pulled her from a deep sleep, the sound of her voice was off. I knew it, but the anger raging through my body prevented me from caring.

  “You said you were going to call me back. I guess sleeping is more important than talking to me?”

  “Joe, you’re being an asshole! Give me the phone,” my brother said, yanking my arm. I shoved him back onto the couch and went outside.

  “I’m sick of this shit, B. Tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

  “I-I can’t.”

  “You can’t?!” I laughed without humor. “You can’t what?”

  “Joey, I’m so tired, my eyes won’t stay open. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”

  “No! Knock it the fuck off and tell me! I’ve had enough!” Silence. I checked the screen on the phone to make sure the call was still connected. “Brielle!”

  “Joey…”

  “Don’t pull that shit!” She always distracted me by saying my name that way and I’d give in, but I wouldn’t let it happen this time. I sat on the step and rested my arm on my knee. After a deep breath, I calmed down, desperation replacing the anger. “I’m drowning over here, BC. Please, just talk to me.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “For what, baby?” She gasped. “If you tell me what’s going on, I can fix it. I only want you to be happy.”

  “You can’t fix this, Joey. I wish you could, but it’s my fault.”

  “What is?”

  “I’m sorry, but I have to let you go.”

  “Don’t you dare hang up the phone!”

  “I’m not talking about the call.”

  “Then what are you talking about?” She wasn’t making any sense.

  “We can’t be together anymore.”

  “Will you please stop fucking around?”

  “I’m not. I’m so sorry, but I can’t stay with you.”

  “Brielle…”

  “Please, don’t. Not that I deserve it, but don’t ever forget how much you mean to me. That will never change.”

  “No! You aren’t doing this to me. To us.” Shock had numbed me.

  “If you love me as much as you say you do…you’ll let me go.”

  “B, this can’t be what you really want.” The line went dead.

  The phone fell to the cement step, and my buzz faded. It took everything I had not to jump into my Jeep and race toward her, but I couldn’t. Not when she asked me to prove my love by staying away. If there was one thing I’d do whenever she asked it of me, it was to show her how much I loved her. How much I would love her until the day I died.

  Vince kept pestering me about whether I’d be okay being in the same room as BC. It was obvious the guilt of not telling me she would be there before I agreed to be in the wedding got to him. Assuring him everything would be fine didn’t work. He had watched me go through the worst pain in my life trying to get over BC. As a matter of fact, when he started dating Alexa, he didn’t tell me for over five months. I was in such bad shape for so damn long, my best friend hid something important from me. That happened to be the moment I decided to make everyone think I was better. I stopped pushing Shannon away and let her into my life but, unless we hung out with friends, we didn’t see each other very often. Unfortunately, I slept with her, but it was only to keep her coming back. Vince relaxed and eventually began bringing Alexa around, which sucked until I got used to seeing her again. When I was alone, however, I drowned my sorrow in booze.

  Alexa Watson was the spitting image of her older sister. At first glance, they could pass for twins. Their hair was the same shade of brown and they had similar facial features, but they couldn’t be more opposite. Alexa had always been outgoing and demanded everyone’s complete attention, regardless of the situation. She was loud, bossy, and a major control freak. Brielle, on the other hand, was quiet, laid-back, had a “go with the flow” attitude, and would try to blend in with her surroundings to keep any focus off her. The only time she wasn’t shy was when we were together. That was when her beautiful personality came out.

  During the four weeks before the wedding, I contemplated many different ways to deal with the situation. The best way to succeed was to have someone to keep me grounded. Only because he was such a good friend and wouldn’t want to hang around to see me crash again, I knew Vince would want absolutely nothing to do with any thoughts I had involving BC. He’d do whatever he could to change my mind. Hell, the bastard might even kick me out of his wedding and tell me not to attend. I crossed him off my list of allies and searched for another possibility. Even though he bugged the shit out of me to go to Connecticut when everything went down, Jack probably held the same opinion as Vince. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t count on my best friend or my older brother, and the feeling sucked ass. I had plenty of friends, but I needed someone who knew me before I fell apart, who knew the real me. I needed someone who’d benefit just as much as I would if BC had a reason to move home. That only left me with one option.

  Afraid of being shot down, I put off talking to her as long as I could, but time had run out. BC would be home the next day, so getting Alexa alone then was going to be impossible. Alexa missed her sister so much, they’d be attached at the hip until she left for her honeymoon. Honestly, it kind of surprise
d me that Vince wasn’t taking both girls with him to Hawaii. If I wanted help, I needed to visit the hospital before heading to the station.

  “Where the hell are you going so early?” my nosy brother asked. He’d only gotten home a few hours prior so I thought he’d be sleeping, not hanging out on the couch watching boring daytime television.

  “I have something to do before my shift,” I explained, sliding my feet into my shoes.

  “And you’re doing it in your uniform?”

  “Yeah. I need to be ready for work in case this takes too long. I don’t want to be late.”

  Jack laughed. “Aren’t you late for work most of the time anyway?”

  “I’m never late. Who’s been lying to you?”

  “I see you stroll in whenever you feel like it. Did you forget I work there, too?”

  “You’re an ass. I didn’t know checking in with you was part of the job.” It was the truth. Even though he was two years away from retirement, my dad was still the chief. He’d kick my ass if I walked in a second late. “What’s with the twenty questions? And why the hell are you awake? Don’t you have another shift in a few hours?”

  “Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

  “What’s up?” I wondered, checking the time.

  Jack turned off the TV and dropped the remote on the coffee table in front of him. “Tomorrow’s the big day, right? I wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”

  “Big day?” I questioned.

  He rolled his eyes. “Vince and Alexa’s housewarming party. You know, the first time you’ll see Brie in almost seven years.”

  “Oh, that.” I shrugged. “It’s just any other party at the Lyons’ house. No big deal.”

  “No big deal, huh?”

  “That’s what I said.” My back was to him, so he didn’t see my face. No need to give anything away.

  “Joe…”

  “Jack, it’s all good. I’m cool. Really,” I said, turning to him.

  For a moment, he stared at me as I stared back. “Okay, fine. What’s the plan?”

  “Plan?”

  “Am I supposed to ignore her, or am I allowed to speak to her?” Something told me the question was a test. I wanted him to help me make her remember everything she was missing by not living in New Jersey, but I couldn’t. I sucked it up and played it off.

  “I don’t give a shit what you do, man. Doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Are you going to talk to her?”

  “I haven’t thought about it, Jack. It’s not like I sit around thinking about her.” A little lie never hurt anyone. “Since we’re walking in the wedding together, I guess I’ll have to talk to her at some point, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Right.” He stood up.

  “What do you mean by that?” I asked, irritated he felt he could judge me.

  “Nothing. If you’re cool, I’m cool. Watch your back out there, Sullivan.” He usually said that whenever we worked different shifts and he wouldn’t be around to watch it for me. However, I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps he meant something else entirely. Once his bedroom door clicked shut, I left. Why wait for him to come back out with more probing questions?

  The trip to the hospital from our condo took roughly ten minutes. Luckily, there weren’t any ambulances at the door. You never knew what would be coming in when you worked in the emergency room. Since I didn’t have the police cruiser, I parked in the parking lot and went inside. There were two older women sitting at the main desk, both eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Can we help you, officer?” the one asked, batting her eyes. Old ladies did that shit?

  “I’m looking for Alexa Watson,” I responded, leaning on the counter.

  “Oh, she’s over there.”

  I turned and saw her coming out of an exam room. Glancing down at her phone, she smiled and dropped the patient’s chart down on the desk. After quickly typing something, she slipped her phone back into the pocket of her green scrub shirt and focused on the chart. “Thank you,” I said and headed toward her.

  “It isn’t enough she’s marrying a hot cop. Now she has another one stopping in to see her?” the one remarked to the other as I walked away.

  As I made my way to the opposite end of the room, doubt began to creep in. Maybe I’d be better off handling everything on my own. If her answers to my questions weren’t what I wanted to hear, would I still be able go to the wedding? How the hell is it that I go to work and hunt down criminals, but actually talking about my ex-girlfriend was scaring the shit out of me? My opportunity to escape passed when Alexa turned and saw me.

  “Hey, Lex,” I said, stopping to stand beside her.

  “Hey, Sully.” She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Only because my fiancé texted me twenty seconds ago, I’m not freaking out that you’re here to tell me something happened to him.”

  “Nothing will happen to him. What’s with the scary twins at the front desk?” I nodded my head to the nurses.

  Lex peeked around me and chuckled. “What did you do to them? They’re drooling.”

  “I didn’t do shit.”

  “It’s really not fair what you guys do to women when you wear those uniforms.”

  “If they think this looks good, they should see me out of it.”

  “Arrogant bastard.” I knew she’d say that. “You aren’t looking for someone, are you?” A few months back, I came in trying to locate a suspect who was wanted for holding up a local convenience store. Surveillance video showed he busted his hand escaping out the back door before we got there. Of course, he was dumb enough to come to the closest hospital.

  “No. I actually came to see to you. Do you have a few minutes?”

  “I always have time for you, handsome. What’s up?”

  “I want to talk to you about BC.”

  Her expression fell. “Sullivan, I’m warning you. You better not be here to tell me you’re bailing on my wedding! It’s only a week away.”

  “Hell no, I’m not bailing. You know damn well you can’t wait to see me in a tux.”

  “I’ve seen you in a tux before.”

  “That’s why I know you can’t wait to see me in it.” My smirk couldn’t be helped. She rolled her eyes.

  “I’m going to take a quick break and get something to eat,” she told the girl on the other side of the desk. “Would you mind keeping an eye on beds seven and eight? I just checked on them. Radiology should be down for bed eight any minute.”

  “No problem. Take your time,” she said.

  I followed Lex to the break room and sat in the chair she indicated. She pulled a bag out of the refrigerator before joining me. “I’m sorry Vince didn’t tell you about Brielle at the beginning,” she said, offering me something from her lunch bag.

  “No, you’re not. You made two hundred bucks from that,” I replied, turning down her offer.

  She smiled. “Thanks for that, by the way. I needed a new purse.”

  “Glad I could help.”

  “Seriously, though. He should’ve told you, but he was afraid you’d say no if you knew she’d be involved.”

  “I’m not worried about it.”

  “What do you want to talk about then?”

  I folded my hands on the table in front of me and directed my attention to them. “What can you tell me about this guy she’s seeing? Is it serious?”

  “I’m going to kill Vince for opening his big mouth before we even got to the altar.”

  “Can you please just answer the question?”

  “Honestly, I don’t really know how to answer that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Brie doesn’t talk about him all that much.” I glanced at her, waiting for an explanation. “Joe, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, it’s been a long time. Why do you want to know?”

  “I just do.” She sighed. “What do you mean she doesn’t talk about him?”

  “She doesn’t. If I ask about him, she blows me off. She says she’s stil
l seeing him, but that’s it. Apparently, he’s coming down next weekend, but…”

  “You don’t think he will?”

  “I have no idea. I’m not sure what to think of the two of them. Like I said, she doesn’t tell me much.”

  “What do you talk about then?”

  “The wedding, my house, our parents, our jobs, her friends. That’s about it.”

  “Have you met this guy?”

  “I met Aidan once.”

  “What do you think?”

  “About Aidan?” I nodded, and she shrugged. “He’s okay, I guess. He’s a doctor where Brie works, so she doesn’t want anyone there to know.”

  “Can’t be serious if she doesn’t want anyone to know.”

  Lex looked at me sympathetically. “What’s the real reason you’re asking these questions?”

  “I want her back,” I whispered.

  “Joe, that’s insane.”

  “Why?”

  “Because…” She paused, trying to come up with something. “Because it just is. It’s been a long time. She’s different now. You may not even like her anymore.”

  “Different how?”

  “She’s closed off. She has been ever since you guys broke up.”

  “That’s not enough to convince me to change my mind. Lex, if there is the smallest chance, I need to try. I’ve been dead inside for years.”

  “What about Shannon?”

  I leaned back in the chair. “Honestly, I can’t stand her.”

  “Well, damn. You could’ve fooled me.”

  “That was the point.”

  “Joe, even though I love my sister, I love you, too. I always have. If you got hurt again because of her, my heart would break.”

  “Are you saying I have absolutely no chance?” She placed her water bottle down on the table, not giving me an answer. “I purposely didn’t go to Vince or Jack with this because I knew how they’d react. I’m asking you as a friend, Lex. You can’t tell me you don’t want her to come home as much as I do.”

  “And you still can’t tell me why she broke up with you?”

  “No! I have no fucking clue!”

  “When this shit goes bad, you’ll hate me.”