Subtle Reminders Read online

  Why the hell did I ever tell her about him? That’s what I get for having her over for a girls’ night involving alcohol.

  “Seven years or so.” I shrugged, making it seem like no big deal. “He’s definitely moved on by now, and so have I. Being around him won’t be a problem. As a matter of fact, when I was talking to Lex the other day, he and his girlfriend were there.”

  “Sure you’ve moved on,” Laney mumbled. “When was the last time you went on a date?” I couldn’t tell her I went out to dinner with Aidan two nights before. “And I mean a real date. One where the guy picked you up, took you someplace nice, then took you home and didn’t leave until the next morning. Or the following one.” She crossed her arms, raised one eyebrow, and glared at me. It was hard not to react. Aidan never slept at my house, or vice versa. We never spent more than a few hours together, but she couldn’t know that.

  “Look who’s talking!”

  “Brie, I live with my parents. There’s no way in hell I’m bringing anyone home for the night, but I have been out on plenty of dates. You’ve heard my stories.” We’d actually spent several lunch hours down at the café, whispering about her latest fling. “I only want you to be happy. You do so much for so many others, and I’m not just talking about your patients. You’re always there for your coworkers, the doctors, other hospital staff who come through here, and your friends. For once in your life, forget about all of us and have a blast. Get drunk. Laugh like you haven’t laughed in a long time. Let loose. You deserve it. Don’t let anything or anyone hold you back. No one is worth that.” Her eyes showed nothing but love. I couldn’t tell if she was referring to Joey or if she really did know what was going on between Aidan and me.

  “Thanks, Laney. I definitely will.” I hugged her, not wanting to slip. “Hold down the fort while I’m gone, take good care of my patients, and don’t let the docs get out of line. I don’t want to come back to a mess.”

  “I’m not making any promises. Mr. Harrison scares me.”

  I laughed, turning off the light in my room. “He’s harmless. Call me if you need anything.”

  “There you go. You’re supposed to be forgetting about us.”

  “Who are you again?” I called over my shoulder.

  “That’s better.”

  After collecting my things, I said goodbye to everyone and headed for my car. Due to the weather in Connecticut, I decided on living as close to work as possible. Not being able to drive in due to snow was never an option for me. Regardless of road conditions, my patients needed their treatments, as well as the familiarity of their Radiation Therapist. I went as far as making sure to get to know all the patients who came through our office, just in case one of the other girls couldn’t get in. Luckily, there was a townhouse for sale three miles up the road. It was at the top end of my price range, but I didn’t care. Knowing I’d be there for those who were counting on me was worth every penny.

  Making all the lights, it took less than ten minutes to get home. It didn’t hurt there wasn’t nearly as much traffic leaving the hospital parking lot at that time of day. The first thing I did was put my work bag in the closet just inside the front door. A little anxiety ran through me at knowing I wouldn’t be going back to the office for over two weeks. The most I’d ever taken off in my five-plus years of being there were three days when I had the flu and didn’t want to risk getting anyone else sick. Once I reminded myself I was doing it for my baby sister, my nerves settled.

  I quickly stripped out of my scrubs and left them on the floor of the laundry room. Yoga pants and a tank top were much more comfortable and easier to move around in. I cursed myself for not stopping to get something to eat. Since I was leaving the next morning, I skipped grocery shopping this week, meaning there wasn’t much in my refrigerator. As I closed the freezer door for the third time, my doorbell rang. Who the hell was that? Was Aidan serious about skipping out on his lunchtime ritual of paperwork and checking on patients? At only thirty-eight years old, he had the bedside manner of a much older doctor. Aidan Collins would do anything he possibly could to make his patients feel better, even if it was just a phone call to see how they were doing. His love for the people who trusted him to care for them was what changed my mind about dating him, even if it meant all he’d ever be able to give me was a very small piece of his huge heart. I wasn’t looking for anything more anyway, and I never would be.

  The second time the bell chimed, I opened the door. My appetite for food disappeared when I saw him standing on my step, his tie hanging loosely around his neck over a light blue dress shirt. “Since when do you make house calls?” I asked.

  “Since my girl decided to leave town,” he answered, pushing past me, kissing my cheek on his way by. I was stunned for a second because he never referred to me that way. When I snapped out of it, I closed the door and followed him into the kitchen. He put a white paper bag on the counter and turned toward me, stretching out his arms. I pressed my body into his and slid my hands up his chest to the top button of his shirt.

  “You’ll see me next week when you come down.” I decided against mentioning how I had invited him to come with me for the entire fourteen days, but he refused. Multiple times. The best I could get him to agree to was spending a four-day weekend. We had never been away together, so I had no clue how it would go. He briefly met my parents and Lex back in December when he stopped by for about an hour on Christmas. Neither of my parents were big fans of him, so I hoped they’d get to know him like I did once he got away from the daily pressures he faced at the hospital. My mom was ninety-seven percent sure he was married with at least three kids. It wouldn’t help my cause to say he wasn’t the marrying type.

  “We could drive down together,” he said, running his hands down my back to the top of my ass. “We wouldn’t have to be apart at all.” His hands moved up my sides, bringing my top with them. It was over my head before I knew it, so I quickened my pace with the buttons of his shirt, careful not to wrinkle it. After all, he had to go back to work. “I brought food. Do you want to eat first, or go upstairs?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he tugged me toward the stairs. If I had my way, we would’ve been naked in my kitchen, but Aidan wasn’t like that. Being as old-fashioned as he was wasn’t always a good thing.

  When we reached the bedroom door, Aidan leaned down to cover my lips with his. He trailed his fingertips over my skin, leaving goosebumps in their place. I twitched as a chill ran through my body. He grinned, knowing what he had done. He unbuckled his belt and undid his pants, dropping them to the floor. Afraid he’d change his mind and run back to the office at any moment, I pulled back the comforter on my bed and climbed in. As I lay down, Aidan crawled up my body, eyes glued to mine the whole way. He leaned in to kiss me, but stopped before our lips touched.

  “Do you really have to go for so long?” He was being weird. We didn’t discuss feelings or worry about when we’d see each other again. We certainly didn’t care about where one was going without the other. The kind of relationship we had wasn’t like that. We each did what we wanted when we wanted to do it, getting together when and if it was convenient for both of us. Confusion swept through me as I tried to grasp his sudden interest in my impending absence.

  “No, I don’t have to go, but I want to,” I admitted. Without realizing it, I had been looking forward to getting away for an extended period of time. I wanted to hang out with my sister, sleep in my childhood room, and be spoiled by my parents. My hands made their way up his arms to tangle together behind his neck.

  “Okay, fine,” he said, resigned.

  “Give me something to miss while I’m gone.”

  He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Words ceased as my bedroom became heated. The rest of our clothing was removed and scattered on the floor. Breathing got heavier. Desire grew. Hands and lips were desperately taking in what they could, as if they were memorizing every detail. It felt like it was the last time we’d ever be together. As I tried to draw his
body into mine, he caught himself.

  “Condom,” he groaned.

  For a split second, I almost told him to forget about the damn thing. Almost. I had only done that twice with one other person. The first time, we were eighteen and it was about three months after I had started taking birth control. Joey and I had walked into my house just as my parents were putting on their coats.

  “Where are you headed?” I asked.

  “We decided to catch a movie,” my mom said. “Do you two mind hanging out here for the rest of the night? Alexa’s upstairs, and I’d feel much better if she wasn’t home alone.” My sister was fifteen and more than capable of fending for herself.

  “I don’t mind, but is it okay if we run out for a few minutes? We didn’t eat dinner yet and we’re starving.”

  “Here.” Dad reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Order a pizza. Have it delivered. Your mother won’t enjoy herself if she’s worrying about her girls.”

  “Thanks, but you don’t have to…” My dad was always handing out money. Within reason, the man gave us everything we wanted. We’d always been fortunate that way.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Brielle. Take the money.” He would actually get insulted if I didn’t.

  Joey reached over me, took the bills he was holding out, and headed for the kitchen. “Thanks, Mr. Watson,” he called.

  “You’re welcome. Keep my girls safe, will you, Sullivan?”

  “No problem.” Needless to say, the moment my parents’ car left the driveway, Joey’s hands were all over me. “Upstairs,” he demanded.

  On our way by my sister’s room, I knocked on the ajar door and peered in. “Mom and Dad just left, so I’m going to order a pizza in a few minutes. I’ll be…” I pointed at my room next to hers as Joey came to stand beside me.

  “Hey, Lex,” he said, grabbing my hand and kissing the side of my face. “We don’t have all day.” He kept his voice low, but I was positive she heard. My sister rolled her eyes, turned up the volume on her TV, and nodded. That was her way of letting me know she knew what we were going to do and would give me a signal if my parents came back. She had always been good to me, and I returned the favor plenty of times.

  Once we were behind the privacy of my door, we melted into each other. When we were getting lost in those moments, sometimes it was hard to distinguish where I ended and Joey began. What was going on with us was rare and we both knew it. Our friends talked about their sexual experiences as if they were a good time and nothing more. A quick, fun way to relieve the built-up teenage hormones with as many people as possible. With us, however, it was the beginning of a lifelong relationship we’d value for many years to come. We’d be able to tell our grandkids how perfect it was. Joey and I never told anyone what happened between us. Some of the kids we hung out with were convinced we hadn’t done it, but neither of us would acknowledge their questions or comments. I knew the guys persistently busted Joey’s balls, but he never caved. His older brother, Jack, and his best friend, Vince, constantly told me how much shit he took. Guys would offer to “break me in”, and girls would offer to do for him what they assumed I wasn’t. He didn’t care what they thought, but that didn’t mean he didn’t throw a punch or two when someone would get out of hand. Junior year, he got suspended for roughing up some guy and pinning him against the lockers. My dad was so proud of him for defending me, he let me cut school the days Joey was out so I could keep him company.

  Suddenly, he dropped his head on my chest. “Oh shit.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t have a fucking condom with me.” We were at school the entire day for a spring sports fundraising event and were not expecting the opportunity.

  “It’s fine. This is why I went on the pill, remember?”

  “You went on the pill so I could stop worrying about a rubber breaking.”

  “I’m not saying we’ll never use one again. I’m saying that, for right now, it’s okay.” The way he looked at me was absolutely adorable. He was begging me to allow him to continue, asking me to guarantee he wouldn’t knock me up. That was our only concern because neither of us had ever been with anyone else. “I promise,” I said quietly, running my hand through his hair.

  “I highly doubt this is what your dad had in mind when he asked me to keep his girls safe,” he mumbled.

  I laughed. “Do you really want to talk about my dad?”

  “No. I want to lose myself in you and forget about every other damn thing in the world.”

  “So do it,” I encouraged, sensing the internal struggle going on his head. “Joey…,” I breathed out. He was convinced, never being able to resist when I said his name that way. He slowly slipped in, ruining me for any other guy. I loved him long before then, but that night was when my heart became Joey Sullivan’s personal property, and I never wanted it back.

  Later on, after we finished pizza with Lex and snuggled on the couch to watch a movie, we had a conversation that confirmed the same thing had happened to him.

  “BC?” he began.

  “Hmm?” I responded, settling in.

  “What we did earlier… That was the best thing we’ve ever done, but can we make sure it doesn’t happen again anytime soon?” He was sitting behind me, cradling me in his arms, so I needed to shift to see him. An uncontrollable fear consumed me. I never wanted him to regret anything we did. Knowing me as well as he did, he took the hand resting on my hip and held my face. “Don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. It really was amazing and I’ll never forget how special it was to share with you.”

  “But…?” I blinked away tears as he gently kissed my lips.

  “But I want to save that for when we’re in a better place. I don’t want to do it so many times that it doesn’t mean as much when we’re older. You’re it for me, Brielle Watson, and we have a lifetime of moments ahead of us that will be more important than a random Saturday night in a room at your parents’ house. Don’t you ever forget it.”

  “I’m okay with that. Just do me one small favor?”

  “What’s that?”

  “From now on, keep a condom in your wallet, in your Jeep, wherever you need it to be so we always have one.”

  He squeezed me tighter and chuckled. “Done.”

  “I love you,” I whispered, a smile spreading across my face.

  “I love you, too, BC. No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

  Why the hell was I thinking about Joey Sullivan when Aidan was sitting on the edge of my bed? Why was I thinking about him at all? It had to be because of Laney’s comments before I left the office. I shook it off and watched as Aidan took the foil packet out of his pocket and let the pants fall to the floor again. He rolled it on and rejoined me in bed.

  “Christ, Brielle. If you’re going to be this ready for me, I insist you go out of town more often.” I didn’t know what he was talking about until he entered me entirely too easily. Oh, my god! Did I get turned on thinking about Joey?! No. Yes? No, definitely no. Maybe? I couldn’t have. What if I did? And, if it were true, what the hell was going to happen when I saw him?

  Unable to stop myself from freaking out, Aidan finished long before I had a chance to. That was going to make shit even harder to deal with. After dressing quicker than we undressed, we ran downstairs to eat the lunch he had brought over. Halfway through his sandwich, Aidan stood up, wrapped the rest of it, and put it in the bag.

  “I’ll have to eat this later. I have to get back.”

  I glanced at the clock to see he still had an hour until his first patient of the afternoon, but it wasn’t worth the argument. “Are you coming back later? Should I make something for dinner?”

  “Sorry. Roger caught me on my way out of the office and invited me to dinner with him and his wife.” He kissed my cheek. “I’ll call you when I can.” He didn’t wait for me to respond before running out my front door. We weren’t going to see each other for a week and he didn’t even say goodbye or tell me to ha
ve a good time. Nothing. No one understood our weird relationship better than I did, but he went from basically asking me not to go to “I’ll call you when I can”. For the first time in over two years, I was irritated with Aidan Collins. The tricky thing was getting myself to believe it had nothing to do with thinking about Joey.

  The longer I sat at my kitchen table, the madder I got. It was totally uncharacteristic of me, but I couldn’t make the anger subside. Before I could talk myself out of it, I picked up the phone and called my mom at work.

  “Barbara speaking.”

  “Hey, Mom. It’s me.”

  “Brielle Catherine Watson, you’d better not be calling to tell me you aren’t coming home this weekend.” Her tone quickly went from sincere to irate mother.

  I laughed. “No. That’s not why I’m calling.”

  “Oh, good.” She relaxed. “Are you ready for the long drive tomorrow? Your father checked the weather this morning. He said you shouldn’t run into any trouble.”

  “Actually, I was wondering if it would be okay if I came home tonight.”

  “You don’t need to ask permission to come home, Brielle. Not now, not ever.”

  “I know traffic will get pretty heavy by the time I get to Jersey. I don’t want to get there too late and make you wait up for me.”

  “Do you honestly think I’ll be able to sleep tonight? My baby is coming home for the first time in way too long. Daddy and I haven’t slept all week. Get your ass home.”

  Hearing the happiness in her voice made me tear up. “I’m going to leave in about an hour. There are a few things I need to do around here first.” Like change the sheets on my bed and get rid of the dirty condom in my bathroom trash.

  “Okay! Please be careful.”

  “I will.”

  “I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Same here, Mom.” How did I know my mom would say exactly what I needed to hear? Was that the only reason I felt so excited about getting to New Jersey earlier than I was supposed to?